They're only words.... NOT!

Words: our words and the way we use them has been on my mind a lot recently and I want to share with you my thoughts about them and their power.

I recently had the pleasure of teaching a music workshop, and one of the first things I discussed was the importance of stating our musical growth in the positive, rather than in the negative.

"I have terrible rhythm" doesn't leave much room for improvement, does it?
Once could just as easily say, "I haven't had much rhythm, but I'm working on changing that," and still be honest in saying so. That at least, leaves the door open for improvement.

Even more recently, while attending a workshop with the incredible Joe Craven, he reiterated this concept, albeit in a slightly different way: he called it the "Aunt Sally" speech.

In his example, he took on the voice of an elderly woman recalling how she had no talent - never did. It all went to her sister, Sally, who could play anything.

"Your Aunt Sally got all the talent,"she would say regretfully.

Joe doesn't go for this approach, and he proceeded to pick someone out of the audience who had never played anything, gave them his fiddle, and taught them how to play rhythm.

Any of us can tap into rhythm and creativity in we would just stop getting in our own way!

Then, on a Dr. Phil show,the host was counseling a family who were complaining about an in-law and in the process, they were calling the in-law all sorts of awful names: evil, catastrophic, etc. He started by pointing out how words can create a situation that is much larger than it really is.

Is it really catastrophic that this woman caused some trouble, or is it catastrophic when a typhoon or earthquake kills thousands of people?

I am talking about the words we use, and how, if we are not conscious of their use, they can adversely effect our lives.

"I have no talent, " does us an injustice.

Calling it an "awful day" when it is indeed only raining puts an unnecessary negative spin on something we have no control over.

"I feel like I'm walking on eggshells - having to watch every word I say," is something I have heard regarding the idea of monitoring our wording.

To that I say this: If you want your words to have the impact they are intended to have, then yes - you must be aware of what you say and while it might seem at first to be a laborious act, I have found that it gets easier as we learn new ways to phrase things and they are incorporated into our vocabulary.

In the book, "Man, The Manipulator" it was said that all of our words have an impact on others one way or another, whether we intend them to or not. To be aware of that impact gives us more control over our lives and the responses we receive.

"Live your life on purpose!"

I heard that just the other day while watching a lecture on television, the speaker discussing how we attract energy into our lives.

On a related subject - I was working at the home of a client that owned two springer spaniel dogs who where quite misbehaved.

Jumping up on the table to beg for food, they were verbally reprimanded while simultaneously given the food they were seeking. At yet another time, while riding in the car with them, one dog kept climbing into the front seat (over and on top of me). My client yelled at the dog to go into the back while he was petting him.

While these examples may seem more likely geared toward animal behavior, they point out how consistency in word and action are important to get what we want in life.

Taking a class to learn while declaring oneself incapable of learning is a lose-lose situation.

Better to search within ourselves and find the truth: "I used to be...," "I am improving," or possibly, "I don't want to learn this."

That puts the power back in our corner and allows us to change our minds should we decide to.

Which brings me to the subject of control: control over our lives as opposed to turning over control to others, real or imagined.

Have you ever heard someone present a problem and then proceed to negate all possible solutions?

"I need a ride to the store but can't get one."
"Well, how about a taxi?"
"Oh, that is too expensive."
"Can you call a friend?"
"Oh, who is going to want to go out of their way to do that?"
"How about checking in the with senior center for volunteers?"
"They're too busy, and besides, some of them make me nervous."
"How about..."

Would it not have been easier in the first place to have simply said, "I need a ride to the store. Would you give me one?" or " I need a ride, but it isn't that important right now to arrange one."

That is being honest and saves a lot of time and frustration for both parties. It also gets the intended response. (Unless of course, there is a game of "Poor Me" going on, which is a whole other subject.)

"Live your life on purpose!"

Remember that as you go about your day. Speak the truth, but better yet, spend some time thinking about what the truth really is. What are you trying to say?

Are you really untalented, or were you told that once and believed it?

You are what you say you are, so tap into that "I can be anything" energy and let that be the truth.

In Memory of Geno

My friend and fellow ukulele player Geno Galli passed away yesterday morning.

I got the call from Andy, his very good friend and someone who knew I really cared about Geno and would want to know as soon as possible.

The phone call came on my cell phone and that only really matters because I am out in the country in Pennsylvania right now and cell service is spotty. I sensed I knew why Andy was calling me, but wanted to talk on a land line, as sometimes the cell phone cuts off, and I didn't want that to happen as he told me what I though he might be telling me. It worked however, and I learned that Geno had passed away quietly and peacefully in his sleep that morning.

I listened and thanked Andy for calling me and for taking care of Geno these last months, and told him how sorry I was.

It wasn't until I told Rick who was sitting the kitchen, that my voice broke and a tear came to my eye.

Such a long struggle. Such a great guy.

We weren't as close as some - Andy for instance, who had known him for years and years and had together experienced the ups and downs of life and who together had planned on someday being able to hang out with their wives in Hawaii somewhere, surfing and growing old together.

But I knew and loved him nevertheless. Seeing him at the Uke Club meetings, Saturday morning play alongs, and Sundays when I could make it. 

I asked him if he would play the part of an Italian waiter for a skit in my Christmas show because, well, he was as Italian and would fit the role perfectly. He happily accepted the part and seemed to have such a great time doing so.

It was just a few months ago that I learned, we all learned, that he was very sick with liver cancer. Several trips to the hospital, transfusions, and all the ups and downs of chemotherapy were all part of his routine to follow.

I didn't get to visit him, or should I say, I didn't make the concerted effort to make it happen.

I guess that at first I thought I had plenty of time to visit and that I would later. Then, little by little I put it off, feeling a bit uncomfortable about not getting around to it, and wondering if I were being selfish for not doing so.

I asked Andy often about his health and asked that he be told that I really cared about him.

Then, as I was getting ready to come to Pennsylvania I tried to see him, but he was just not up for it.

I sent him a card, hoping that he would be reminded of me and that I was thinking of him.

All the while I had been reminded of my late partner, Neil, who underwent months and months of suffering with lymphoma. The tests, the chemo, up and down, in and out of the hospital, wasting away with the most positive attitude he could summon, which was by far better than I could manage under the circumstances.

Perhaps that is why I didn't quite bring myself to visit Geno in time. Though it has been almost six years since Neil passed away, the memory is still right there under the surface. That's what I was referring to when I wondered if I was being selfish. I cold have mustered the strength, made time, and not let fear get in the way, as Geno would advise. But I didn't and I must trust that I made the right choice at the right time.

But it is his wife Emily and friend Andy who I think of the most now. Geno is in a better place now - without suffering or worry. But it is those of us living who now must go on without his physical presence, who must wake up every morning and remind themselves that life is forever changed and yet still must go on.

I think of what a wonderful and unique community of friends we, the Ukulele Club of Santa Cruz, have in each other. We are all so blessed.

Geno, I will miss you - your smiling face, leading the group in Capitola, singing "That's Amore" with all the gusto imaginable, and being in my show. Know that you have touched so many people in so many ways and that your spirit will forever be present in all of us.

Idiots and Fools

Am I angry? Am I resentful? Disillusioned?

No. No. And... yes!

In a crazy burst of creative energy, I recently donned an outfit for a new character I've apparently created and made a video claiming to be the "real" author of a song that is in fact, that of my good friend and client (I'm her manager and producer) Celina Gutierrez.

My "claim" is so absurd - I am in drag, drinking from an oversized brandy snifter I got at WallMart, with other clips of me so obviously bullshitting; yet a few people actually have posted insulting remarks on the video page, thinking I am really claiming to own that song I am referring to.

(Okay, Celina did send out an email saying that this someone, me, was making an erroneous claim to her song, but once there - can't you see it's a joke? C'mon people!)

What really makes me wonder about people, is that there are many posts that acknowledge the joke... right there under the video.

Of course, taking chances with art and creativity will always unearth the least creative, as demonstrated by an email I received from another artist (that I won't bother to go into).

Taking chances is just that - I am taking a chance that people will recognize the inspiration from Jamie Fox, Jim Carey, Milton Berle, and countless others who have created exaggerated characters like this one.

On the other hand, I am happy to have my work strike a nerve in people - it means it is being seen, but I just wish people would take a second to think about something before writing comments like that. It just makes them look stupid.

sigh... here's the video:

Playing God at the Mariott

Gee, what a mysterious title I gave this post! It might seem as if I held someone's life in my hand while staying overnight at a fancy hotel.

Actually, it's not really about God or holding life, but rather about a landscaping job I just finished at the Mariott hotel.... (this is where the movie fades into a flashback).

A few months ago I was hired to create a small waterfall at a friend's house in Scotts Valley. This friend, "Willie" (I am actually using his real name, but I like the quotes anyway) had recently done some excavating work and there was this hillside that just begged for a waterfall.

I could totally see it in my mind and, after convincing him that this vision I was having for his backyard would be worth it, he gave me the go-ahead.

So I started digging a little here and there, purchased a truckload of rocks, a pond liner, and some plants, and began to create a man made "natural" waterfall.

He mentioned to me in the process that he would have to show it to his neighbor who is also a landscaper.

I thought to myself, "Sure... show it to him and everyone else you can. I love showing off my work. Heck, maybe I will get another job out of it. "

Several days later the pond and waterfall took shape as I hand selected each and every rock, inspected it, turned it over and over and decided whether it would go here or there, or nowhere.

"I am creating and I mustn't be rushed!" I tell myself and anyone else who might have overheard me talking to myself.

Well, a couple of weeks later it was done and I turned it on and "voila!", the water flowed just like I imagined it would. I began planting little grasses and ivies, and ferns from elsewhere in the redwoods, trying to make it look as if it had always been there.

Willie was thrilled, as was I.

Then I got a phone call from Willie saying the the landscaper neighbor saw my work and wanted to hire me to work with him on a project at the Mariott.

THE MARIOTT!!!!!!!???????

Yes, the Santa Clara Mariott. Yes, me.

I went over to meet the neighbor, Toby, and asked him what this was all about.

"I liked the way you placed your grasses, " he said. "I need someone to help install the entryway of the hotel - the most visible and important part of this big landscape we are installing, and I can tell you have the artistic eye to do it."

"You can tell that by this little pond?" I wondered. Okay, we will see...

(There is a whole other story that goes in here about me wondering if I should take this job, as it would change the direction of my life... but that's, as I said, another story.)

So a couple of weeks later I get this phone call saying that I needed to be in Santa Clara at the hotel ready to work at.... 7:30..... AM! 

Sorry for those of you who regularly get up and are at work at this time, but for this "artist", I usually get UP around that time and spend the next couple of hours writing emails, puttering around and waking up at my own speed.

This would mean that I would be getting up, dressed, and at work before the sun rose. Yuck!

So I set my alarm, dragged myself out of bed, and got there by 7:30 AM.

As soon as I got out of the car I was greeted with things like:

"Okay, where do you want the boulders? The crane and crew is waiting!"

"Which ones do you want? The forklift driver needs to know..."

"What's it going to look like from the back?"

"It needs to be done by Monday!" (less than a week away)

Remember when I mentioned that this little pond I did took me a couple of weeks?

Well, here was this HUGE project involving cranes, forklifts, and boulders, and it needed to be done in days, not weeks.

I asked for a little time to "get acquainted with the space" and to "see" what it was going to look like and then I would jump in. They moved on to other pressing matters.

I moseyed around the boulders feeling totally lost, until I found "Half Dome".

I ran back to the entryway and saw it's future location, then ran back to the boulders to see if it would work. I could see it! I would create Yosemite right there at the Mariott!!!

I would put Half Dome right there, and then Nevada and Vernal falls would wrap around the back. The Merced river would flow down from the waterfall... up here would be Tuolomne Meadows... it all came into view and I, master of the universe, would create it! (This is where a beam of sun shone down on me through the clouds and a band of angels began singing.)

A couple of workers were sent to help me, and in my best broken Spanish, I directed them to "put 2 rocks there" and to "dig a hole deeper". Little by little the landscape began to take shape and the flight attendants, pilots and valets all started to stop and marvel as this natural wonder took shape right before their very eyes.

It all got done in time, thanks to the work of several hard working laborers, and I managed NOT to get hurt or too sore in the process.

I am glad I forced myself to get up early, and to take the job in the first place. The place looks great and I have had many compliments. My buddy Stan came by to see it and I can't wait to show it off to my other friends over a cocktail or two.

It doesn't look like Yosemite to anyone else, but I see it. I made it.

Us Vs. Them - Politics and Life

As much as I am loathe to discuss politics anywhere, I find myself wanting to comment on it's insidious nature, as demonstrated by a recent gathering I hosted. Allow me to explain:

Recently, my partner and I offered to help a local friend and political candidate by hosting a meet and greet at our house. The objective, in my mind, was to introduce her to some of my friends and acquaintances and offer an opportunity to ask real questions in real time about the political process: hers in particular, and what she was planning to do should she win the election.

It all began quite nicely, I must say. Honest questions about directions she would take and honest answers, it would seem, about the reality of any one politician being able to do a lot in a short time. (Not likely, as I understand it.)

Then the subject changed to a local topic, namely a housing development in a small town in our area. Obviously a hot button issue, I quickly saw the group's energy polarize as one of the guests voiced questions in seeming opposition.

He was answered with statements like:

"Would you rather have 5 McMansions instead of dozens of homes, some of which would be affordable housing?"

The word NIMBYism was thrown about a few times.

And suddenly the room was tense, as this guest continued to ask questions - real questions, thought out, polite and brave, considering the majority of the room seemed to be in agreement to the contrary.

As for me, I certainly didn't feel comfortable voicing my opinions with these friends, as I found myself leaning towards those of the "enemy", as he was later referred to, though for different reasons which I needn't get into.

No, the reason for getting together was to ask and learn about the canidate, not to argue local politics. At least that is what I had been thinking.

But let's put all that aside for a moment and let me opine on what I think is really the problem:
The problem is that we keep expecting a politician to perform for our state or country what we can't even do with a living room full of friends, namely listen and be respectful. To gang up and jump on someone stating their concerns is NOT the way to behave, I am certain.

We don't all agree and that's the way it is. Now what?

For a group of people claiming to represent the little people, the have nots, the less fortunate... for those who decry the intolerance of others.... well, let me say that I saw little tolerance that evening.

Again, allow me to ask the question, "How and why do we expect politicians to do that which we cannot do ourselves?"

Me versus you. Us versus them. Poor versus rich. Gay versus straight. Democrat versus Republican... It's all selfish and bullshit.

We are all one people on one planet and the sooner we stop defending ourselves against each other, the sooner we will see problems diminish. The sooner we stop dividing ourselves among ourselves...

Needless to say, that is the last time I will offer to host anything political again, as it is clear that people weren't really there to learn anything, but rather to find support to further dig their heels in deeper in their beliefs.

But then again, this is just my opinion.

I am still a customer

This afternoon I got a phone call from a local bakery, THE local bakery if you ask some people, and I was thrilled. That is, I was thrilled until the caller started speaking.

Let me give you a little bit of what preceded this phone call:
As you know, I am putting on a show. My first real show, "An Altared Christmas LIVE" and to pay for my expenses, I have been selling ads in the program. Someone very close to me told me that the owners of this bakery, let's call them Dale and Jo, often advertise in performing arts programs like mine.

So I call up Dale's Bakery and leave a voice mail for the person in charge of donations. That was last week.
So I called up again a few days later and left a voice mail for the person in charge of donations. Still no response.

So today, when I was in Dale's Bakery buying $80 worth of fruitcake for my upcoming show, I asked if this woman was in.
No, but I could leave her a note.

So I did. I explained that I had left 3 messages, and that I was a very good friend of someone who if really good friends with Dale and Jo, that I was putting on a show, and that I would appreciate a phone call back.

I was careful not to say anything about how I thought it was not very good business to not answer business calls in a timely manner. I didn't know if my messages might have been erased by accident, as that is apt to happen from time to time.

I also tried to stick to the facts - how many times I called, who I was, and what I wanted.

So here the phone rings this afternoon, and when I hear it is so and so from Dale's Bakery, I am excited!
WRONG!!!!

"I didn't appreciate your note at all!" was the response. "You called TWICE - I have the saved voice messages to prove it. Once last Thursday, and once on ... We get 50 calls a day for donations and we don't donate to shows like yours. Only to non-profits."

"I am so sorry, " I beg. " I didn't mean to have an attitude. I was just trying to explain..."

"Well, your note DID have attitude. I just have to be honest with how I feel."

So that was my phone call this afternoon. I tried to behave politely, and we ended the conversation nicely - she got to vent about how busy she was, and I begged forgiveness for something I didn't really do.

Now, a few hours later, after a very nice gig at the Kuumbwa Jazz Center, I come home to wind down a bit before retiring.

You know what I think, to be "honest"?

FUCK THAT SHIT!
I am a customer. I have been buying coffee and breakfast at that bakery for 20+ years! I call on their published phone number, enter the extension for the person in charge of donations, and after nearly a week of unreturned phone calls, I leave a decently polite note asking for a call back.

She reads the note, checks her voice mail records, and calls me back. Not to do her job, but to scold me for my note and to complain about how busy she is and how many requests they get for donations.

You know what? I don't care! Perhaps if her message stated that it would take time to respond, or if she called and said that she was busy and would get back to me, or several other professional responses - that would have been good for both of us, and for the reputation of the business she was hired to represent.

Yes, I am a customer, and the last time I checked - I was the most important part of a business! I and my family, my friends, and everyone on my email list, are the most important people to their business, and though I don't really think they should kiss my ass, I DO think they should kiss my ass.

I spent more today on fruitcake that I should have. I could have gone to Costco, spent $20 and no one would have noticed the difference. I did it because I wanted to support a local business. I didn't do it because I wanted them to buy an ad, though it would have been nice.

No. I am a customer, yet I was treated like I was some irritating sore on this woman's work day. Not good for business, I must say. It will be a long time before I drive all the way across town with my mom and sister to Capitola, past The Buttery and countless other places that have wonderful baked goods, just to be another number at Dale's Bakery.

I just had to be honest.

A License to Play The Tambourine

This is a difficult thing to write about, as I am fully aware of how snobby it can sound. Nevertheless, I will write it and hope that you understand what I am saying.

Twice in the last week I have encountered a situation where someone wonders why they can't play along with my group. I will explain:

The first time this happened, I was at a music gathering at the beach where I go to play ukuleles with a bunch of folk. A woman pulled me aside and asked me if I was one of the "Altared Christmas guys." I replied that I was "THE Altared Christmas guy, thank you, " and she proceeded to advise me to keep my songs shorter for the upcoming Uke Club show, as other people would lose interest and possibly walk out if the songs went on too long.

I listened politely to her comment and explained that I think that people have much too short of attention spans these days, and that I like to challenge that as much as possible.

She then said, "And why can't we sing along? Would it be that bad if we did?"

"How would you know what to sing?" I replied. "I change the song a lot when we perform it. Besides, I don't think there is anything wrong in asking you to simply listen. All of us have so many opportunities to play and sing along together. There are ukulele sing alongs at least three times a week all over town."

She listened to my comments and did say that she understood a little better now that I explained myself.

She had not really remembered me, yet she had held on to this information for a year and felt it necessary to "help me" by letting me know how I could adjust my art so she could be comfortable. She never once said anything that she did like, not the concept, the musicianship, nor how the audience were ecstatic with it in general.

No, she wanted to sing along. She felt it perfectly alright to let me study music my whole life, rehearse the band week after week, haul a truckload of props to the club, set up the PA system, and then invite everyone to join in.

The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I got. Yes, I want to be polite and listen to people's comments, as they are the ones that I am playing for, but there is also a little thing called nerve. On the other hand, I am grateful. Grateful, because now I am even more determined to hold my ground and do what I think is right.


The second incident was not nearly as inappropriate as the first, just another situation - it was suggested that we make available shakers and noisemakers for the audience at a show we are developing. "People like to play along, " it was said.

"That is absolutely the worst possible thing you can do." I replied.

"I have seen a 50+ drum circle completely fall apart in seconds simply because one off-time tambourine player decided to join in. Tambourines can either heal or destroy, depending on the skill of the player. They should be licensed."

The reaction to this comment was less than well-taken.

Now, let me explain one thing: I realize the joy of playing together, and I think that all people of any skill should have the opportunity to join in the joymaking. How else can one learn, if not by trying? And music is not measured by how perfect it is, but by the joy it brings. I certainly would never want to squelch a child's enthusiasm for music by scolding him or her for not being "on time" but teaching a child when it's time to "listen" is a valuable lesson as well.

There are many wonderful situations where one can pick up shakers, noisemakers, and play. Likewise, there are lots of ways to sing along. And many acts want people to join in- their music accommodates that involvement. I encourage everyone to play and make their heart happy.

Just not during a show. Not when someone has worked hard to present something unique. Not when others are around who want to listen. Not when you have not been asked.