11-26-2005

I caught up with myself during a flight from San Jose, CA to Wilkes-Barre, PA and managed to answer a few questions that have been, or should be asked about my music, turn offs, and internal struggles.

It wasn’t easy to get a straight answer from me either, as I am in the habit of testing my own patience with pointless questions and smart ass answers.

Still, I believe I have unearthed some vital information that you might be interested in. Read on:


Hello Rhan. It is nice to spend a little time with you when you aren’t able to run around trying to do several things at the same time.

Yes, it is nice now and then. It’s like when it’s raining...

I don’t get the connection...

Well, I love when it rains because then I can stay inside and work without feeling like I should be outside working. I have a lot of inside work to do generally, but if it is a nice day, I am pulled outside by nature. She entices me to putter, rake, weed, trim... then I go inside and try to work, but I just go outside again...

You told me once that your father had a solution to this dilemna.

Yes, I did.

What was it?

Well, he would dress up as if he were going into the office when he wanted to stay in at home and work. That would discourage getting up and working in the yard. I have tried that, but I just wind up ruining my nice clothes.

Do you have any “nice” clothes?

I have jeans, t-shirts... no, not really.

Here’s a funny story - a few weeks ago my mom suggested that I get a nice suit to wear. I told her that I have no need for a suit and that I have rarely needed to dress up like that. The conversation was building up a little tension, as she has brought up this subject many times before.

“Why would I want to waste the money for something that I wouldn’t wear?” I asked her.

“Oh, just to have in case you need it, “ she replied.

“Well” I said, “In that case, shouldn’t I also get a clown suit, just in case I need one sometime? As a matter of fact, I think that I would wear a clown suit more often than a business suit.”

We laughed at that one while she mentioned something about me already dressing like a clown sometimes...

The way you tell that story, I feel as if I were there...

You may have been.


Ahem, well - let’s get on with this interview.
First off, is Rhan your real name?

It’s one of them. Sometimes I am Sir Roland Hammond Wurlitzer Steinway Grand, or Baron Buhthole Von Sphin–

No, I mean why do you spell it that way?

Well, several years ago when I was playing a lot of tribal-trance music and living in San Francisco, I thought that I wanted to change my name to create a somewhat different persona, something more exotic. I tried to change it to it’s Spanish translation, Renaldo, but that didn’t excite me. I tried different names, but didn’t want to abandon my given name so I just changed the spelling. It worked. Rhan could do things that Ron couldn’t, though now Ron can do anything Rhan can so it doesn’t really matter anymore, still, it sticks in people’s minds a bit better. Besides, it’s fun to hear how many ways people try to pronouce my name.

How do you pronounce it?

(Stare)


Let’s talk about your Altared Christmas CDs. Why do you like minor chords?Aren’t they sad?

Yes, I suppose they’re sad, but they’re also extremely beautiful at the same time. They’re passionate and moving. I have a theory; would you like to hear about it?

Sure, we have all the time in the world.

Well, let’s draw an imaginary line in front of us, and put sadness on our left and then happy on our right, with all the rest of the emotions inbetween. They seem to be opposite, right?

Yes, I suppose so.

Okay, now let’s take that line and bend it around like a circle and connect the two ends at the top. Now you have a happiness and sadness right next to each other. That’s how I think of it - happy and sad almost the same in a way. That is why people sometimes cry when they are happy, or laugh when they are in despair. It’s all good.

That reminds me of the Mary Tyler Moore episode when Chuckles the Clown dies and Mary starts to get the giggles at the funeral.

Yes, wasn’t that hilarious?!


Do you collect all types of Christmas music?

No, not really. I don’t really like Christmas music. That is why I wanted to record it differently.

Are you encoding secret messges in your recordings?

Yes.

How do you come up with your ideas for your songs? They seem to go in all directions.

Well, the rule is: first chord is a minor chord. There have been a couple of exceptions, like with “Little Drummer Boy”, where I put the song in a harmonic minor sort of key. I did that with “Joy to the World” as well, but back to my method: then, after I do that, I play around with the chords and see what sort of rhythm I find. Or, I go for opposites, you know, if the original was fast, then I try it slow, and so forth. My good friend Janet Roitz and I were once talking about how funny it is when you take real happy lyrics and juxtapose them against slow minor chords.

Yes, the lyrics do seem to take on a whole new meaning. Do you ever change the words?

No, never. I may add a few here and there, but I think that the real entertainment lies in hearing the same old words set against a new soundtrack. It really makes the meaning clearer in a way. You know, sometimes we hear things so may times, we don’t realy listen any longer to what is being said. But when you take the same words and deliver them in a different way, suddenly the real meaning comes out.

I think you repeated yourself a little there.

(Stare)

Why Christmas music?

I had to start somewhere. Actually I like doing this to all sorts of music, the more common the better. Christmas music was a way to introduce the concept and create a theme that everyone was familiar with. We all know Christmas songs, whether we like them or not.

Do you have plans for any other type of recordings?

Oh, yes. I have some other themes I want to “altar”.

What does “altared” mean to you?

Well, it means altered, in the sense that it is changed, but it also means that it is revered as well, like something that is put on an altar. You see, many people have thought that by changing Christmas music like I have done, that I am disrespecting it. Actually, I feel that I am honoring it.

I don’t quite follow...

I think it is more disrespectful to be playing Christmas music at a mall, where everyone is out trying to alleviate guilt by spending way too much money on people they may not even really like. Business has taken a holiday which, it seems to me, should be about caring about others and doing good, and made it all about Barbies and Playstations. You don’t see any commercials that encourage you to be good to your neighbor, do you? Or that the best gifts are sometimes ones that you make yourself?

But you did make fun of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”.

Sort of. But if you pay attention to the words, it’s all about parents using toys and presents to manipulate their kids into being “good”. I thought we might go for a “chaotic mall” sort of scene.

When you say “we”, what do you mean?

While some of these arrangements were clear to me from the start, others came into being as the recording progressed. For instance, in "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", I thought at first that perhaps Santa could go nuts and get hauled away by the police, but it just didn't happen that way. Paul Wagner came in and added this deep, scary little voice of Santa that I added to David's Santa, and we came up with evil, scary Santa that has this Gollum thing going on.

Then, on the first CD, I had an idea about “Away in a Manger” sounding a little European, but after I got Cyoakha in there to sing it, she started with this valley girl voice, commenting on everything she had just sung. We were laughing so hard.

So what started out to be a song of the baby Jesus sung by a woman, perhaps in Europe somewhere, to a song about a young girl totally unrelating to the lyrics. My recording wasn’t making fun of a sacred song, it was making fun of how clueless some people can be.

That valley girl came back later in the CD for Jingle Bells. Can you tell me about recording?

Sure. Well, once again, I had this idea of how the song would progress. I read the lyrics and imagined a lone gentleman walking in the snow, the wind whipping around his head. I thought my friend David would be the perfect choice for this role. As the lyrics then describe, he is joined by Miss Fannie Bright, who was seated at his side. The role of Miss Fannie was sung by Pipa Piñon, of whom I will talk about in a minute. So, following the story, the sleigh was passing by a man, me, who had went out for a walk and slipped on the ice and fell on his back. Instead of helping me, they started laughing and quickly rode away. So I sang the third verse and then we sang the chorus laughing. I imagined the sleigh picking up speed and going somewhat out of control. I put David and Pipa together in the studio and had them just go nuts with each other, which, if you know either of them, is not hard to do.
Then Cyoakha and I did a track of the same sort of silliness and I threw it all together, like a giant, crazy sleigh ride. All of a sudden, she started doing the valley girl voice again so we added that also.
I hear the song now and I imagine this sleigh totally going out of control, picking up everything in it’s path, including this valley girl who is totally out of her element and not very happy at all. Just as the energy couldn’t get any more exciting you can hear her say “This is so boring!”
That’s the kind of thing you just can’t write in advance. As a matter of fact, that song made it on the Doctor Demento show. I was very proud of that.

Do you have a favorite song?

Yes, and no. I like them all for different reasons, but “Deck the Halls”, on the first Cd, “An Altared Christmas” really represents the initial concept that Janet Roitz and I had about singing songs in minor keys.
You take the happiest of songs and put it against the saddest music, and in my opinion at least, it is hilarious.
Imagine if you will, this poor, tired, overworked woman trying to accomplish all the things on this list: deck the halls, be jolly, don gay apparel, troll the ancient yuletide carol, see the blazing yule, strike the harp... that’s a lot to do, and, she has this crying baby to take care of.
When it comes time to sing “Tis the season to be jolly” she can’t even finish the sentence.

What’s the story with the baby?

When I asked Janet to come to the recording studio, she said that she needed to bring her baby Cazzie with her because, well, she had just given birth to it and thought it would be nice if she took care of it as well.
So there we were in the studio, recording her tracks, and little Cazzie started crying. Quick as a wink, Noel Gott, our recording engineer, had a microphone out and was recording his lament. We put it in the solo section with Bob Burnett’s guitar solo and it became a wonderful addition to the piece.
When I hear this song I laugh everytime because it is so sad and mournful. Yet, despite all of her despair, she manages to end the song on an uplifing, jazzy note, which indicates some hope after all.

I’ve heard you mutter about about how you don’t really like MTV and the way it limits your imagination. What’s that about?

I used to love listening to music and imagining my own story that was taking place. I could see all the detail and apply the story to myself and what I was going through at the time. Then MTV came out and here were these songs with the stories already made up and of course, nothing like I wanted to see. I don’t really like to watch videos for that reason, yet, I do appreciate them as an extension of one’s art. With my Christmas music, I do have vivid images of what is happening in the songs, yet I hope that others can make up their own stories. I love to hear what others imagine going on.

What else bothers you?

Wow, that is a loaded question. There are so many things: waitresses who don’t bring me coffee right away, people who ask a question and then start talking about themselves before I have a chance to answer...

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Cigarette butts.

Cigarette butts?

Yes, cigarette butts, or rather those people who throw them around everywhere. You know, littering in general is a disgusting habit that shows absolutely no consideration for others. Because smokers rarely just have one cigarette, I figure that if they toss one butt out of their car, that then they probably throw them all out, every day.

I used to have a sign on the back of my truck that read “Our World is Ñot Your Ashtray”. Do you know that while I had that truck, I had people stick their butts in my windsheild wipers while I was parked? And one time a guy passed me on the highway, glared at me as he went by, and then flicked a lit butt out of his truck when he got in front of me. It’s funny how these people can get so defensive about their offensive behavior. I have even seen cops toss butts out of their cars.

I think you should write more about this issue.

And I will.

Back to your Christmas CDs. Where did you get the artwork for the covers?

For the first CD, I created a little altar of special things I had collected. There’s a sign that says “Have Faith” that I made during a difficult time, a picture of Jerry Garcia, a little Buddha, prayer beads, skull beads that were given to me by Dana, the Bead Lady in Oregon, a picture of my dearly departed friend Monte and the one-eyed Barbie doll sculpture he made, little things like that. I took a picture and made it into an ornament for the cover.

For “The Return of An Altared Christmas” I used a photo of Cazzie, the crying baby on “Deck the Halls” that his mom, Janet gave to me. This photo summed up so perfectly what I was trying to say about Christmas, that even though it is made out to be this wonderful, happy time for everyone, it can also be horrible and scary.
I have a funny story about this as well, do we have time?

(yawn) Sure we do!

Well, Janet tells me that her mom Mary took little Cazzie to the mall to get his picture taken with Santa.When the session was over, the photo lady was looking at the various photos they had taken and when she saw this one, she said, “Oh, you don’t want this one!”
But Mary, being of excellent humor, said “Oh, no. It is great! That’s the one I want!”
Of course, I don’t know if that is exactly what she said, as I am trying to remember something that happened several years ago, but that is the gist of what happened.
I am very thankful that I was allowed to use that photo for my personal gain, I mean, for the good of the human race.

Do you have any stories to tell about recording “The Return of...”?

Well, I was very honored to have Mark Sowlakis actually ask me to be on this CD after hearing the first one. He did great work on the clarinets and added a quality that I never would have been able to do on my own. Of course, everyone else made it better than I alone could have done: BobBurnett, David Wallis, Morgani, Paula Bliss, Dana Hutson...

Isn’t that Dana Hutson’s voice on “Grandma”?

Yes, it is. Oh, my gosh, that was the funniest recording session... You see, I initially had her up there to record something for “Joy” that wound up not being on the record, but while she was there, I asked her to sing some background vocals for “Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer”. At first, she was trying to be very respectful of what she sang, not wanting to step on top of what I was doing, but I told her to just do whatever she wanted.
“Repeat whatever I said in the song, and just go for it - I can always edit out stuff,” I said to her.

And she did.

Oh yeah. During recording, she was in the next room with the headphones and the mic, of course. I was listening in the control room, back where I couldn’t see her, and listening to what she was doing.

Excuse me, but why couldn’t you see her?

I didn’t want to distract her when I was trying to get her to go for it. I seem to get distracted sometimes when am recording, so I figure that others might be also. No sudden moves!

Anyway, I was sitting on this raised, sofa-bench-ish, built-in piece of furniture that Tim Prince, the engineer had in his studio. Dana’s part started out a very caring friend and party guest, assuring me that it was alright to tell us all what happened, singing background to what I was saying, reacting to everything and all of a sudden she morphs into this character that just takes over and becomes the center of attention.

Obviously a bit tipsy, this character goes on to question the whole “grandma” affair, comments on the wine, and gets an upset stomach from too many potato chips even though I am still quite upset about my grandma getting run over a reindeer. She even starts to make fun of me.

I was laughing so hard. I never in a million years would have expected anything like that. I am happy with the way it came out.

So would you say “Grandma” is your favorite song on the CD?

In a way, yes, but “Joy to The World” has special meaning to me.

As it was being created, I could start to hear what it would sound like when it was all finished.

By the way, most of these recordings were done one person at a time, for the most part. Many times I would record several different takes, each time playing a different instrument, then I would get Bob in there to add a part, or Mark.

All of it was recorded to Digital Performer on my computer, and I would go home and edit what was done. Many of the things you hear never reallyhappened the way you might think.

Anyway, as I was putting “Joy” together, I started to think about how I wanted to take this Middle Eastern sounding piece and add a gospel choir, thus combining these two very different worlds in music.

Then I thought about how, right after 9/11, president Bush started saying “God Bless America” all the time when I thought a more appropriate thing to say might have been “God Bless EVERYONE!!!”

Us against them, you against me, ours... yours... Sure, we sing about Joy to the World, but do we really mean it?

Then I started to imagine just what the gospel part would sound like. I night I sat in my truck when I got home and listened to what had just been recorded that night. I was very emotional listening to it for some reason, and I still feel the same way when I hear it. I can’t explain what happens to me, but there is something about middle eastern music that really gets to me, and then add the fact that I was hearing for real something that I had been imagining for so long... well, that’s what I think about “Joy”. It carries with it a lot of symbolism for me.

Now I can’t wait to see it live, with gospel singers and drummers, all like I am imagining now.

So you have plans to perform these songs live?

Yes, I am working on that right now. It is such a huge undertaking for me to put on this music live. I can see it all - lighting, video, killer sound system, stage design... I am even designing material to use in the lobby before and after the show.
I am going to try to get a grant to fund it, because I can see it costing a lot of money to produce. As I understand it, to get a grant, I need to show that this performance would benefit society somehow.

Does it?

I hope so. I want people to come into the venue one way and exit with a completely different way to experience the holidays. For so many people, the holidays are a time of stress and depression.

Perhaps by seeing and hearing these songs acted out this way, everyone can lighten up and have a good time, appreciating the things we all have to be thankful about, and accepting the things we don’t have any control over.

I think that benefits society, don’t you?

Absolutely!
Well, I see the magnificent evening skyline of the city of Wilkes-Barre, PA coming into view so before I stow my carry ons in the overhead compartment and/or under the seat in front of me, I ask you if there is anything else you’d like to say at this time?

I would appreciate your readers to please write to me their thoughts about Christmas and the Holidays. Good times, bad times, funny stories, sad... whatever. I want to gather more information on how we experience this time of the year to share with others as well as to use to apply for that grant I was talking about. Don't worry - it can all be anonymous.

I want to really absorb as much of the spirit of this holiday, so when I am working on the live show next July, I am able to relate.
Write to me at: my email address. EMAIL RHAN!

Well, I am glad we had this time to talk. I hope that we can do it again soon.

I am always eager to get the chance to talk on and on about anything.

Back to the top of the page.

Who said that? You know, back to the top of the page?

I don't know - wasn't it you?

I didn't say anything.

But if it wasn't me, and it wasn't you...

(Rhan and Ron drop their forks and run to the basement)

(Bonus points if you can tell me what I am refering to!)